Think I found the place. Its in a old ghetto in town and I think mostly latinos so we will fit in ok. Never lived on that side of town before. I won't be living here long. It's wishful thinking. Tried to use the food stamp card but only like 2$ were left on it. Lol Used my own cash. I hope my kids learn from my mistakes. I've been so destructive and well that doesn't work to be stable in your life. Sure I've been behaving but it's a little too late when it comes to economics. You need to go to college unfortunately to get a good job. You got to be young to get a good job. Sh!t I thought I was young but I guess 38 isn't young anymore. Lmao!!! Damn. I better hustle a bit harder. Really want to beat the sh!t outta dude that said I could get a job at his spot and said yeah don't worry and months past he said don't worry and I was like dawg it ain't happening and then he was like naw it will and it hasn't. I think I'm a invite him out for a beer soon. And just beat his a$$. Then again even tho he deserves every bit of it I can't go to jail or anything like that. Not now. I should call him anyways and just fuk with him like dawg whatever happened to that job. Just to at least have some fun. Yeah I'm a do that. Supposedly my guy should be getting out here soon. I thought I was to drive to the prison to pick him up but maybe that isn't feasible or something. I got all his clothes and belongings and he hasn't stopped by to get them if he is. Maybe he got in trouble in there and got thrown in the hole. Who knows. I wonder if it will rain mañana. Oh and ain't that a b!tch this gym I've been teaching at is fuking up my whole groove. Lol Totally trying to sabotage my classes cuz they get too big too fast and people actually like them. I'm a throw them deuces and just teach my stuff outside at the park like I always do. I like my students. They are hella excited to learn how to defend themselves. I love teaching my self defense classes. Man saying that reminds me of this song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?nomobile=1&v=1dcLByS-1Ss

So it is another day of the same people places and things. I have not had an urge today or anything. So that is good. No one seems to perk my interest. People here in this mall seem to be getting used to me. As I'm a part of this organism of foot traffic and chatter and overall redundancy week in and week out. Ramadan begins mañana and all the Muslims looking dreadful. I'm not sure if I will like blatantly eat or smoke or drink coffee in front of them this next month. I do not even like coffee so that might be a bit obvious. There is only one really excited about it. Perfume guy and good man overall. I respect him. He just practices and keeps his mouth such like its nothing special. Doesn't sneer at infidels. Anyways that's a whole group that will be tired and cranky this month for sure. Note to self avoid them.

Talked to brother in law today and he is getting all stressed about the apartment he is to abandon. Moving back to Chicago. He is gonna leave two weeks before the lease is over and tripping about it getting cleaned up. I told him not to worry about and I would do it. Easy for me since I'm to help anyways and he will just get in the way and complain. Best way to do this is just take the valuables and leave the rest. When their gone I will just open the door and tell the neighborhood everything is free for the taking. That place will be bare in less than two hours as I drink a beer and watch the frenzy. Most of that stuff is garbage anyways but if it is someone's house and free people have this feeling they getting away with something. It is kinda interesting. People taking plates and dishes they will never use. Taking a TV because it works. Oh some might need a bed or whatever but mostly they just curious and feel excited they is doing something seedy. And like a looting with no reprecussions and some structure I won't have to lift a finger or get sweat on my brow. Done deal.

Yep work is slow so this is another entry. I will go back to flashing smiles at everyone.

Talked with a moderator and they said it is to protect some from over revealing themselves. Like their identity. I'm not sure what the big deal is. There seems to be one and that's ok I guess. It is oppressive but I'm a try this feature out and see how it goes. My blogs shouldn't be that long and should not take an average reader to go through them in a couple of minutes.

Got up today and it is an overcast day. Somehow last night I lost my bracelet. Really screwed with my OCD traits. I looked everywhere for it but had to remember that you can't find everything. Sometimes things get lost and lost forever. I would of been late to work cuz I would of just kept looking and searching. So I was proud of myself really. I was able to over come my obsession of looking for it. I found another this morning just like it and everything for about 70$. And that's money I don't have. But it is the same and that's good because it is the same style as my necklace and it is important they match. It would drive me nuts if it didn't. And if I can't get the bracelet I will probably destroy the necklace out of anger. I had before this a beautiful necklace, one of a kind I bought of the street for 40$. I wear silver btw. I goes with my olive/brown skin. Anyways I ripped that necklace off my neck out of anger. Ripped it to a million pieces. And didn't even sell the scraps. I was pretty stupid that day. Now it is raining cats and dogs and I'm at work doing jacksh!t.

Money is on the mind. I have an invite to a poker game mañana after work. I'm sure I could make some money there although not nearly enough. Temptation is strong for sure to do something against my God. Sometimes I wish there was like a window of opportunity to do as you please occasionally. Like four Tuesdays a year free pass to do whatever. Lmao! That's funny but yeah. I think I'm a get kicked out of my house here soon and according to the law I got awhile if they do for the Sheriff to come do just that. But for all they know I got the money and will pay. The want to keep us as tenants but without income I cant afford this rent. Lol, man it gets expensive three or four blocks out the ghetto. Got ahold of a food stamp card someone else doesn't need (going out of state.) So that's 100$ per month for 3 months for food expenses. Have not been getting call backs from anybody work wise. Probably my age and driving record not helping me. It doesn't matter. I will survive like always by the skin of my teeth. Don't know why but I always seem to operate better during these times. Maybe I should sell my truck and go with no wheels. The only drawback is getting to jobs outside the city limits. So yeah it's getting to crunch time. Well is drying up and I gotta make moves. Thing is you gotta do what you gotta do. I think I'm a move back a few blocks to the ghetto. But my dog is a problem. Damn. Would hate to get rid of him. I trained him well and he truly is a good dog. Knows his role. Protects my family when I'm gone. And loves me unconditionally. He is fuking hella stupid but he is a beautiful beast. I don't want to give him away to some other fuk that will fuking ruin him. Probably make him fight for money. If I ever found that out at least it would give me a good reason to wreck sh!t and a mutherfuker. Yeah sometimes I wish someone would jump me. So I can have a reason. People are starting to get cautious and puffed up around me again. My vibe is pounded too hard. Just this morning these fuks were looking at me hard as hell when I'm walking up towards them. But I seen fear in their eyes. Young bucks. Soft. They summoned the courage to ask me for some squares. I told them I don't smoke menthol and they parted to let me pass. There was an unusual tension when I'm more menacing that usual. My vibe must be really fuked up. So I'm a go pray for a while. God will help me.

I don't know what is the point of having a blog if I can't just blog. This moderator approval is outta control stifling and oppressive. I hope I can delete as soon as I can. It won't even let me delete my first post anyways and no one has even seen it yet. Stupid.

I used to blog. I was pretty good at it too. Had quite a few readers and got picked up by other websites who used to put my stuff on their front page. Alternative news was what I was good at but like all things you move on when you see the futility of it. I mean yeah there is a New World Order conspiracy but your not stopping it. You won't unless you want the total annihilation of civilized society. And no one is going for that at this time. Personally I would welcome it cuz well it would eliminate my debt and all these good skills I have would be put to good use. Lol Anyways I've tired from most of my external interests and gone internal now. I was involved in community grassroots politics and realized no one cares about true solutions. That those who cried racism the loudest were the most racist and emotions run pretty high and so political correctness runs rampant. I think my down fall besides the outing of my police record on a email list was when I suggested after drug dealers stashed arms were being found by children and I suggested we should teach them about gun safety and how to shoot and clean firearms to keep them safe. They exclaimed that no one should have guns and children should be taught to shun guns and etc etc etc. They laughed me to scorn but didn't say much after I told them that kids will always be finding stashed gangmembers guns. Like it will never stop. I know cuz I used to be on the other side of the fence. And how hunters kids and farmers kids are not out here shooting people in the head cuz they watched to many rap videos. They knew I was right but instead let their emotions be there guide. So again it was my downfall. Anyways the end of that rant is to say I think I will blog like some sort of pseudo diary to point out how AsPD can even affect you in community organizing or whatever. As a Christian trying to follow Jesus I tried to find an avenue to do that. So that's why I tried running for alderman and tried to spread the word on the conspiracy against the people of the world by the global cabal of international banksters blah blah blah. But I found that didn't really do sh!t. I've helped more people on an individual personal micro level than on any macro scale. So if that is true I must go within myself to be able to do that better. So I'm a be pretty random here and maybe not make much sense or even use paragraphs a lot of the time. I'm just recently learning that emotions are a good thing and I should cultivate them. It helps me as a husband and a father. But they are also some very fuked up things because they make people temporarily insane. Easily manipulated and keep people from learning about the truth. I find this absolutely fascinating. Anyways I'm here at work doing nothing again. It's a very hot day and of course people are complaining. Lol I'm in a decent mood but got a lot of sh!t on my plate responsibility wise. Got a family you know. Being single is easy. I wouldn't care about finances much you know. I wonder if I could convince my kids and wife to see the adventure in roughing it. But they can't of course. And really I can't blame them. So I'm still looking for better work and maybe a new place to live. This summer will be interesting to say the least. But money is scarce. Of course I could always go back to crime. But that is a quandary isn't it? Can't be a good follower of Jesus poisoning your neighbor or taking his sh!t now would you? So I pray to God that He sees this and will provide. I'm pretty sure He will. Unless of course he doesn't want to for some reason or plan. Maybe I will go hustle some billiards or poker game. My time seems to be all messed up as well. Got to get unorganized and you know what the other day someone said I gained some weight. They thought it was a good thing but what it really means is I'm not in top physical condition. Ah yes my age is trying to show. So I will kill it before it festers. I'm still in better shape than most even many who are younger. I'm...

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